Spring into a Contest and Win Prizes!

IMG_7466Spring is coming!  It’s the season of change.  Couplewise challenges YOU to create the wackiest, funniest, or most exciting way to motivate an individual to take action for change!

This idea can be original or something you noticed was effective for a friend, acquaintance, or family member.  Whatever the source, we know it can be difficult to inspire someone to do something outside their usual modus operandi.  Think outside the box!  Let’s combine efforts to develop the best motivational technique.   Remember, sometimes the most unorthodox, hilarious, or simple idea is the most effective.   Ready, set, go!  …And did we mention there are prizes?  See below for the details.

 GRAND  WINNER!

  1. $200 for the best, funniest, or most creative new idea!

  2. Two one year memberships to CoupleWise!  One for you and one for a couple you adore (perfect anniversary gift), $360-$400 value.

WEEKLY WINNERS!

  • Weekly winner gets one hour free consultation session from CoupleWise founder, Gary Krane PhD or a licensed therapists on our board of therapist advisers.

  • The next 6 runners up will each get a free 6-month subscription to CoupleWise (estimated $59 value). You can use it yourself or give it as a gift to someone else, for example to a friend on their anniversary or to a parent on Mother’s / Father’s Day. A CoupleWise subscription would make a great gift to a couple any time.

EVERY USABLE IDEA!

TO ENTER: Tweet or write your ideas and tell us, in 140 characters or less your wackiest, funniest, or simplest idea for motivating an individual to try something new.

Tweet your Motivational Ideas to @couplewise with the hashtag #CWMMP (CoupleWise Motivate My Partner) beginning NOW until March 8, 2014.  If you’re not on Twitter, you can email your Motivational Ideas to MotivatePartners@RelationshipTechnologies.com.

All entries must be submitted by March 8, 2014.  The winner will be announced on March 15, 2014 and the top 10 suggestions will be viewable at CoupleWise.com.  Your name and email address will be kept strictly CONFIDENTIAL, unless you request otherwise.

Please also include your first name, age, and state and country of residence.

Criteria for entries:

– Creative and Original; the more creative, the higher the rating (10 points being the highest)

– Cost under $10; must be affordable to most people and not difficult for most people to do.

– Proven: show us evidence you actually did it and it worked! You can send us a video testimonial that we can post on  our site or a written testimonial from your mate or friend as to how he or she got motivated. We will send him or her an email to verify this.  NOTE: You can still win without this proof!

About CoupleWise:

CoupleWise.com will be offering  before Mother’s Day a robust, highly interactive, individualizable web and mobile app to empower couples to create stronger, happier relationships. The CoupleWise technology

  • Enables couples to quickly clarify their problems without criticism or arguments.

  • Skills to listen empathically to each other and to make and keep agreements, and much more.

  • Ways to motivate an unmotivated partner to work on improving  the relationship.

  • CoupleWise is gay friendly.

Credit Where Credit is Due:

The best ideas will be posted in CoupleWise. Entries will be kept strictly anonymous, unless you want credit. Let us know if you would like to be credited for your idea and how? For example we could list your first name and city, but it is up to you.

Rules:

1. All federal, state, and local taxes on prize are the sole responsibility of the winner. No purchases are necessary; void where prohibited by law.

2. Participants agree to abide by all decisions of CoupleWise, contest co-sponsors, and judges, which shall be final and binding with respect to all issues relating to this contest.

3. Prize is not transferable and no cash alternative or prize substitution is available. CoupleWise and contest co-sponsors reserve the right to substitute a similar prize of equal or greater value if the prize listed is unavailable for any reason. All potential winners are subject to verification at the discretion of CoupleWise and contest co-sponsors.

4. Winner agrees that prizes are being provided “as is”, and CoupleWise and contest co-sponsors make no warranty, representation or guarantee regarding the prize, including but not limited to its quality, condition, merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose.

5. CoupleWise and contest co-sponsors are not responsible for problems including (but not limited to) damaged, incorrect, inaccurate, lost, delayed, or defective entries, or for injury or damage to any computer resulting from participation in this contest. Entries that have been tampered with or altered are void.

6. CoupleWise reserves the right to modify, cancel, postpone or end the contest at any time as necessary, at its sole discretion, or to disqualify any participant or winner, at its sole discretion, deemed to have cheated, destroyed, obstructed, or otherwise acted illegally or in bad faith in relation to this contest.

7. CoupleWise reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to disqualify any individual it finds, in its sole discretion, to be in violation of the Terms of Service; to be acting in violation of these Official Rules; to be acting in a unethical or disruptive manner, or with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass any other person.

8. By submitting an entry and entering this contest, you represent and warrant that: you are over the age of 18, or entering with the knowledge and permission of your parent or guardian (subject to verification), and that the entry does not contain or incorporate the intellectual property and/or confidential information of any third party.

9. By submitting an entry and entering this contest, you hereby grant CoupleWise a perpetual, irrevocable, sublicenseable, worldwide, royalty free right to publish and distribute your entry for their promotional purposes.

10. Governing Law: All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of the official rules, or the rights of entrants, shall be governed by and construed in accordance with, the substance laws of the State of New York and any applicable laws and regulations of the United States.

 

Got a New Years Resolution to Revitalize Your Relationship?

cw_withbg_250x250Try These 7 Tips for a Happier Marriage/Committed Relationship:

We all know sustaining strong, healthy relationships can be challenging.  What most of us really want to know is how to stop arguing, nagging, or getting bored and annoyed with each other. How can we get our relationship back to where it was when it started? How can we make it fun and romantic again?  Use these 7 tips to revitalize your relationship, and at the end, discover the easy to use web app “tool chest” that actually enables you to integrate these great ideas into your real life – way more than a blog post, book, or video can do!

1) People that play together, stay together.   

Play more together in ways that are easy to do, require no scheduling, and are even free.  Be silly. If you are saying to yourself, you can’t find the time to play and have fun, fret no more. Here are two of 333 games you can do that transform the ordinary situations of everyday life into extraordinary fun:

*Be Each Other Game:  At Dinner: Everyone writes their names on slips of paper, folds them up, puts them in a cup, shakes them and who ever you get, you talk and eat like that person. You ”Be each other!”  This is where you might find out that you talk with your mouthful, play with your  mustache, or interrupt others.  Be sure that you use the tool we mention at the end, however for an important warning.

*The Kvetch Game: While in the Car or Shopping:  If you need to complain – Go through the alphabet in turns, complaining about whatever you can dream up, real or imagined, that starts with the letter you get on your turn. For example, if it’s your turn and your letter is B, you might have the following kvetch: “I wish I had more bucks in my pocket today,” or “Old Bill at work sure gave me a hard time.”  The idea is to not only have fun with complaints, but to give vent to real gripes and frustrations in a way that’s fun and easier to hear. Chances are, just being heard in a spirit of good fun will allow everyone to feel safe and ready to consider adjusting their behavior.

2) Use arguments as opportunities to create a stronger connection with your mate instead of a weaker one, and learn more about yourself and your partner in the process.

Start by asking yourself this heart and mind expanding and possibly life changing question, “Am I more committed to winning this argument, or to the quality of our relationship?” Learn a tried and proven 4 step technique called, “Non-violent Communication”.  Replace arguing with compassion, empathy, discovery of unmet needs, and simple doable requests.  Walk in the other person’s shoes, practice validation, and move toward positive change rather than stonewalling.

3) Make resolving unmet relationship needs a priority.  

You may be wondering what unmet needs negatively affect relationships.  Respect, compassion, finances, & understanding are a few. Learn the eight needs that are most predictive of long lasting happy marriages. Empathize with the other person so that you can feel their pain in not getting their needs met.  Establish one mutually agreed upon action that will better satisfy this intention. Get automatic reminders to help you keep that agreement.  

4) Be mindful and accountable.  

Trust depends on behavior that is consistent and reliable.  Any kind of relationship that doesn’t have trust, isn’t a safe, healthy, nor authentic one.  Find out daily or weekly – or as often as you want- exactly how well you are doing in meeting the other’s most important relationship needs by spending 5 minutes checking into a certain web app on your computer.  Take the action recommended to continue building strength and resiliency in your relationship.

5) Restore the other’s faith that you can and will be a better partner.

How?  By using a tool called “Motivate My Partner”.  Consider the sources of the other person’s reluctance to engage in efforts to restore and/or strengthen your relationship.  Get suggestions on how to gently address those concerns.  Saying something like this could help, “We have some problems that need fixing. Let’s tackle the small problems we have now, before they turn into big problems later.”

6) Be more constructively honest with the other person and help him/her to be more constructively honest with you.

Sounds tough? There’s soon to be a software tool that will help you do this. It is fittingly called, “Sleeping Dogs”.   People that want to avoid facing difficult truths often prefer to let sleeping dogs lie. Using this simple and effective tool, you can take your relationship to the next level of understanding and connection.  

7) Get a helpful reminder with tips to maintain five positive interactions for every negative one. 

Show your admiration, respect, understanding, and appreciation to those most important to you.  John Gottman’s Five to One Ratio demonstrates that couples who have five positive interactions for every negative one have a more successful marriage. When one person demonstrates positive sentiments, it’s typically reciprocated and becomes a natural element of the relationship.  Just like laughter is contagious, so is kindness and warmth.  

So what is this wonderful tool chest that enables you to integrate this advice into your daily life? It’s a web app (not yet mobile) called CoupleWise.com.  Its new version is just launched and they are anxious to get their first 2000 users a.s.a.p. It’s free until your partner joins, and then for 30 more days. If you sign up now it’s only $4.95 per month after the 30 day free period (soon to jump to 19.95).  It’s not yet mobile, so you’ll need a desktop or laptop.  If you want the tips, tools, reminders (and soon rewards!) required to accomplish this relationship revival, stop wasting time.  Activate your New Years Resolution this month.  What are you waiting for?  

*For more ideas on games to play that make the ordinary situations of everyday life extraordinary, no matter how busy you are, check out Simple Fun for Busy People: 333 Ways to Enjoy Your Loved Ones More in the Time You Have, whose author is the cofounder of CoupleWise.com.  After all, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing!” -Ashley Montagu

P.S. In case your partner isn’t as motivated as you are by these tips and the Couplewise app, follow us on twitter @Couplewise to get our upcoming “Motivate My Partner” contest invite. In the meantime, Couplewise has a neat tool that does just that.  It provides great ideas from motivated wives and husbands that proved effective for them in motivating their partners.  You can get a free one year subscription to CoupleWise for sending in a great idea yourself.

Please send us your suggestions and questions. Suggestions for improving Couplewise.com can get you one year for free. Gary@couplewise.com or Heather@couplewise.com

5 Easy Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage

136048-136019In this blog written by Heather Edwards, LMHC and Mark Banschick, MD originally published in Psychology Today, five simple tips are offered to breathe new energy into your marriage.

It’s Time to Kick-Start Your Marriage:

It’s easy to get caught up in work, childcare, managing your home, and keeping up with bills. The day to day realities of adult life can be draining, and under these pressures, any relationship can atrophy.

Marriage Has Positive & Negative Cycles:

Most couples go through it. Communication breaks down, sexual intimacy becomes an after-thought, fun is infrequent, and empathy is a strain. Sometimes conflict and arguing escalates, or for others, the marriage starts failing as the couple resorts to living parallel lives. Either way, the negative cycle has replaced the life enhancing positive cycle that couples find when they turn love into an action verb.
Find a Therapist

Since the “D” word was not in your vocabulary when you got married, how can you flex and rebuild that svelte marriage muscle?

In this guest blog, Heather Edwards, a New York based therapist and life coach, lays out five ways to build positive energy back into your relationship.

Have Fun:

It sounds like the easy answer, but it’s always a good place to start.

Consider the ways you used to enjoy each other’s company. You used to play together. What did you enjoy doing most? Was it going to a concert, park, or favorite restaurant? Maybe it was taking a bike ride, getting a massage together, or walking on the beach. Whatever the activity, make a commitment to one new action that brings energy into your relationship. If being together feels stifling for you, it probably feels the same way for your spouse or partner. Any activity that doesn’t have some level of enjoyment in it will eventually be one you want to rid from your life. The same applies to your marriage. So start breathing fresh air into it!

Self Awareness:

Be aware of your needs.

What needs are not being met by your partner? Respect, encouragement, acceptance, and trust are a few needs that can feel compromised when marriages break down. These higher-level needs are sometimes masked by the day to day gripes, nagging or avoidant behavior that can become commonplace. Recognize your own negative behaviors as destructive, not constructive, and question what need is suffering underneath it. That’s probably what’s motivating your bad behavior, not just the dirty socks on the floor. Consider ways to constructively express yourself.

Ending a negative cycle begins when you see what you are doing to each other.

Communicate:

Your partner is not a mind reader, nor does he or she have a crystal ball that will enlighten him or her.

That means it is up to you to say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you want your message to be heard in a non-defensive way, then you need to verbalize your thoughts and feelings in a way that is not blaming, judging, nor critical. Blaming and judging can lead to defensiveness and stonewalling. Criticism can lead to contempt and resentment—and that’s the negative cycle.

If what you want to build is openness, strength, and mutual support, then change the way you communicate. Rather than focusing your attention on your partners actions, focus on your experience of it. Own your feelings. Simply state what you feel when certain behaviors occur. Clearly and calmly ask for what you want. State, “I feel ___, because ___, and I want ___”.

Empathy:

Now that you’re aware of your true feelings, needs, and wants, consider your spouse’s experience of this problem.

All relationships experience power struggles. And, you know you are in one if either you or your partner needs to win at all costs. You may not always agree, but you need not make him or her feel stupid or crazy. When it’s about winning an argument, you both lose.

Hear the feelings words he or she is using. Notice the body language and requests made. Imagine how it feels to express oneself in the manner he or she is using. Practice walking in their shoes. Check it out. It’s okay to let your spouse know that you recognize their struggle and that it’s real and valid. After all, you’re in this together, trying to find a way to live your lives better.

Intimacy:

Intimacy can be the barometer, or measure of pressure and change, in a relationship. Have you noticed your intimacy changing as stress, conflict, and detachment rise? Well, it’s an easy indicator that something is suffering badly and needs your attention. Identify the troubled areas in your marriage and apply all of the above interventions to them. Make improving your sex life with your spouse a priority.

Oxytocin, a bonding hormone that is released during sex, will bring you closer and increase warm, loving feelings toward each other. Just do it! Set aside time to nurture yourselves in this way.

Have fun reconnecting with each other!

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Heather Edwards, MA, LMHC is a therapist and life coach located in New York City. She can be reached for consultation at:

http://newyorkpsychotherapyandlifecoaching.com/

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For more on The Intelligent Divorce and Other Relationship Advice see:

Twitter: twitter.com/MarkBanschickMD

Website: http://www.TheIntelligentDivorce.com

Online Parenting Course: http://www.FamilyStabilizationCourse.com

Radio Show: http://www.divorcesourceradio.com/category/audio-podcast/the-intelligent-divorce

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFE0-LfUKgA

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Does Shacking Up, Prior to Marriage Predict Long Term Success?

Posted by Sharon Jackson

When my cousin Ari got married ten years ago, I sat next to my Uncle Al, who then was about 80.  He was always sharp and witty, as he was handsome in a Clark Gable sort of way. We got around to talking about my personal life, as this is one of the favorite topics of many of my older relatives.  When you’re single or dating, as I was at the time, your older relatives all want to know, when you’re getting married or why aren’t you married. I had learned to take these well intended interrogations with a sense of humor. 

Science Daily, an online research journal has an article, “Couples who Co-habit, before Engagement, are more likely to Struggle,” offers some reasons why this happens.  The three top reasons couples stated for living together were 1) To spend more time together, 2) convenience and 3) to test the relationship.  To read the entire article, go to: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090713144122.htm.

Licensed Psychotherapist, Linda Garcia-Rose has this to say, “To live together or not to live together,” that is the question for today.  Some research has shown that couples living together before marriage and/or engagement have a higher chance of dissatisfaction and divorce in their marriages.  I find that it would be very difficult and hard work after the, “Honeymoon period wears off.  I believe that it is imperative, for individuals in a constructive, successful relationship, to have an understanding of their REAL needs and wants.  To understand what you really want and what you do not want by looking deeply into the self, independent of outside pressures, norms and rituals.”

Garica-Rose continues, “If you feel forced or will resent something, think very deeply about your decisions. Then agreeing and setting boundaries about living together, your commitment to one another and the future would all be keys to success.  Bottom line, is if you do not spend a significant amount of time working individually and together to make your relationship successful, it will probably end up like over 50% of failed relationships independent of whether you live together or not before marriage.”